Classmate's Draft and Be As Research Paper

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A higher incidence of rape does not seem likely just because there is a higher incidence of partying, for example. Also, advertising costs used to bolster the school's reputation could be more efficiently used in alcohol awareness programs, which would also have the indirect result of improving the school's reputation.

4. Can you see any potential for reorganizing or changing the order? Did you find any repetitiveness? Tell us specifics.

Organization was clear, and the information was well presented. It was somewhat repetitive, however, in the need to address the reputation and the idea (not fully explained) to join forces with, basically, other party schools to protest the ratings. 5. Were there any passages that were unclear or confusing? Can you offer some suggestions?

Your use of commas was sometimes strange.

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There were longer sentences I felt could use commas (such as the one quoted in #1, which keeps going in your paper), while at other times they were unnecessary ("The safety risk for students and the public in general, are significant.") a careful reading might make this clearer for you.

6. What was the most interesting part of this draft proposal?

The fact that reputation rather than safety and health was the focus was interesting, and a different take on the problem than I was expecting. Even though I don't agree with….....

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