Human Love Differs Tremendously From Essay

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However, on a subconscious level, he may be drawn specifically to the types of personalities in women who display every indication that they are highly judgmental and critical and rigid in their expectations, and who represent all of the same problems that he resents consciously in his mother. In both cases, the individual associates love with aspects of earlier foundational relationships.

In principle, psychologists refer to this phenomenon as re-enactment of foundational conflicts in the family of origin that have never been properly resolved in the psyche of the individual. As a result, many people end up choosing life partners who allow them to recreate or re-enact precisely the same psychological and interpersonal dynamics as those they experienced within their own families. Naturally, where the family of origin was healthy and loving, that tendency is beneficial because it motivates the individual to seek out and form bonds with others who tend to approach relationships healthily and lovingly. However, where the family of origin is unhealthy and dysfunctional, the individual has a strong tendency to seek out potential partners who are inclined to unhealthy and unloving interpersonal relationships. In some respects, this is thought to be caused by an unconscious desire to "fix" everything that was wrong in the family of origin; in other respects, it is a function of the fact that the individual has come to associate specific behaviors (including extremely negative behaviors) with "love.

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" That phenomenon explains why some people who were physically or emotionally abused in their families as children sometimes choose mates who are abusive in the exact same ways within their spousal relationship.

World View

The other principle way that human love differs from animal pair bonding is that the complexity and intelligence of the human mind means that all of us establish a world view as we mature. Our world view includes our fundamental beliefs about morality, spirituality, and religion, in particular. This element helps human beings establish specific criteria that they desire to find in any prospective life partner. Whereas lower animals choose mates primarily based on physical attributes and external behaviors that are evolutionarily consistent with breeding success, human beings have a fundamental need to find partners who share their fundamental belief systems and psychological orientation in the world. In fact, some human love relationships deteriorate precisely because the individuals involved ignored obvious discrepancies in their respective world views and selected partners based exclusively on the superficial qualities of physical attraction that are the basis of non-human animal attraction......

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