Overprotective Parenting Research Paper

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Parenting comes in al forms and ranges, just as different as individuals are. Fortunately, parents have today the possibility to get much better informed than they ever had before. Not only has child psychology made huge progress over the last few decades, but widely available information related to child rearing as well as numerous testimonies from parents themselves has made the parenting task easier, but also more complex at the same time.

As people become better informed, society becomes more competitive. Parents tend to put more pressure on themselves in order to prove they are better parents, fit for this new global age of information and their children sometimes suffer the consequences. While some things have tremendously changed, especially since women have started going to work more often than they used to do before the second half of the twentieth century, some things are remained the same. This is visible in the department of overprotecting parenting.

Parenting will always be tributary first to each parent's nature and inclinations, as well as to the way the parents themselves used be raised as children. In their book: Loving Your Child Too Much: Raise Your Kids Without Overindulging ..., the authors, Tim Clinton and Gary Sibcy, are trying to make parents aware of the categories their child raising style is falling into as well as point out the means and methods to use in order to establish a healthy relationship between children and parents. Most people must have wondered at least once if there is such a thing as "healthy parent - child" relationships in the first place. One thing is certain: love is absolutely necessary and without it nothing can work. On the other side, love is far from guaranteeing the soundness of such a complicated and crucial relationship as that between children and parents.

There might be a slight misunderstanding between the question:" can there be too much love involved in parenting?" And "can a parent be too indulgent in a child-parent relationship"? Authors Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend talk about another interesting concept when it comes to parenting: healthy love. The title of their book, Boundaries with Kids does not leave much space for interpretation: the book will not preach about the power of endless love as the miracle it takes to build the best relationship possible with one's children, be about boundaries and, most importantly how to set them, when, where, how and why.

Authors Clinton and Sibcy describe the ways to overprotect as a list of mistakes that every parent must have done at least once in his parenting experience. The list is long and eye opening. Naturally, loving parents are reluctant to talk to their children about death, regardless if it is the case of a gold fish the child had as a pet or, and the case become much more complicated and disturbing, a relative, or someone they used to know. The authors point out that common sense is important here, as well as in most inter-human relationships, thus the parent must be aware of the level of the child's understanding and the appropriate age to talk about a particular subject. The authors stress the importance about telling one's children the truth. They also explain what "always telling the truth" involves from a common sense point-of-view: "of course, that doesn't mean that you dump the harsh realities of life on them when they are too young to understand, or when it's just too frightening. But you should truthfully answer their questions in a way that's age appropriate." (Clinton, Sibcy, 2006) So, first of all parenting has to be adapted to a child's stage of development, otherwise what could be a useful piece of information could become something completely useless or even damaging.

Cloud and Townsend further talk about perspective. Parents, especially those who tend to be overprotective, often suffer from a short sight. It is only the present that concerns and oftentimes overwhelms them: "We parent in the present without thinking about the future. We usually deal with the problems at hand."(Cloud and Townsend, 2001). This is of course, not just a problem of overprotective parents, but of all those who find themselves at their wits end after a long exhausting day. They talk about some thought every parent, except for a saint, must have had at least once in his life: "making it through an afternoon without wanting to send our children to an eight-year camp in Alaska seems like a huge accomplishment"(Clinton and Sibcy, 2001).

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As previously referred to, one's parenting style heavily relies on one's psychological profile: "Allison was by nature a "helper" and she gladly helped her son…Some who are more laid back and uninvolved, leave their son's room alone. Those who are stricter inflict a heavy punishment for a less than regulation made bed." (Cloud and Townsend, 2001) In Allison's case, she acted the way she would have with anyone she built a relationship with. The effects on her childrearing were similar to those involving overprotection: by keeping her son from doing a simple thing like clearing, she was not actually helping him in the long run, she was just raising a future adult that will not be able to keep things in order in his dorm room, in college, for example and will be more likely to run into fights with the rest of his companions over his failing to do his duties, for example. The author, who happened to witness Allison as she was clearing his teenage son's room, warned her about the future, from an en even more frightening perspective: that of him expecting his wife to behave the same as his mother did and do all those chores the latter was currently performing instead of letting him deal with them.

Clinton and Sibcy draw a very interesting table in their book, a table they call Love comparison chart. The authors agree that each individual is unique, thus each parent-child relationship is unique, even in the case of the same parents, but different children, but it is also true that parents can and should learn from other parents as well as from their own passed failure or successes.

The two authors take the main categories of parenting, ranging from the much desired "normal" parenting style, over to the "overprotecting," going through the overcontrolling ," to reach the "overindulging" parenting style. There are some similarities between. There are some similarities as well as a good deal of difference between these styles, of course. What strikes one in the case of overprotective parents, is the constant presence of the word "fear." They mostly see their children as fragile, that is why they will do everything in their power to protect them, allowing them to make no mistakes. What will follow naturally will be adults that will act or better said, not act out of fear: fear of failing, fear of being rejected, fear of making mistakes, fear of being hurt, basically fear of living normally. The authors assure parents that "protecting your children from the evils of the world is a God-given responsibility."(Clinton&Sibcy) They also add the warning that "overprotecting will bruise the spirit and keep the kids from growing into strong independent adults capable of earning trust and making good decisions. "(Clinton&Sibcy) Many parents never think that, from the point-of-view of child rearing, the best time in a person's life to start exploring, trying on one's own, commit mistakes and learn from them, is when that person is in his or her childhood and teenage years. The parents or guardians will be there to offer comfort, guidance, and a helping hand when needed. Children and teenagers will get a second and third chance. As adults, they will be completely on their own and thus likely to make a fall mush harder than back when they had their parents to care for them and take some of the burden away.

Both books we have discussed so far start from the general idea that sound parenting should rely on biblical teachings. Children are taught to love themselves so that that can love the others and be loved. The source of endless love that comes from God should guide and help them find a way just as their parents are expected to love and guide them through their lives.

Parents who will never allow their children to make mistakes, will also try to keep them away from any kind of pain as long as they will be around. Clinton and Sibcy explain the notion of "necessary pain" and what role it plays in the development of the future adult. Performance involves a degree of pain, just as spiritual evolution involves a degree of pain. The Bible is their most important guide here, too: "We also rejoice in our suffering because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character and character, hope."(Clinton & Sibcy). That does not mean, of course, that children must endure pain at all costs and regardless of….....

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