Parents Can Affect the Connection Thesis

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Findings and Discussion

Paulessen-Hoogeboom et al. (2008) present us with a number of key findings that have such pervasive implications for parenting. All toddlers engage in behaviors such as biting, hitting, screaming, or otherwise acting out. Such behaviors arise as a result of negative emotions. Parents often find these behaviors hard to deal with -- along with other children and other caregivers. The response by others in the children's world may be highly negative itself and may thus provoke additional negative feelings, which in turn provoke additional negative behaviors. This is a cycle that is bad for all concerned.

Paulessen-Hoogeboom et al. (2008) further validated the finding of others that an authoritarian parenting style is aimed at getting children to stop these negative behaviors by commanding them to follow parental orders. However, they also found, such a parenting style ignores the underlying emotions and so is ineffective in preventing the negative behaviors involved. Authoritative parents talk with their children about these emotions, help them understand that such emotions are natural and appropriate, and that there are better ways to express these feelings that will not be seen as negative by others.

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It is this key part -- acknowledging emotions while helping children disconnect emotions from actions -- that makes authoritative parenting effective in reducing negative actions.

In other words, parents and young children can work together (with the far greater amount of work being done by the parents, of course) to create a positive feedback system in which children learn to value their emotions while moderating their behavior.

The next important finding by Paulessen-Hoogeboom et al. (2008) was that whatever elements of "personality" or "temperament" are innate, any inborn tendency to act out negatively is far less important than parenting style in terms of the behavior of children. In other words, Paulessen-Hoogeboom et al. (2008) found that authoritative parenting can overcome innate tendencies in children to act out. This is a very important finding for parents and other caregivers.

The findings of Paulessen-Hoogeboom et al. (2008) overall find that young children can be helped by their authoritative parents to disengage negative emotions from negative behavior, a lesson that has immense value for the entire lifespan......

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