Rhetorical Outline Proposition: Norman Bates, Term Paper

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Grammar

P1S1: Clumsy; the word "alike" can easily be removed.

P1S3: Clumsy sentence again.

P2S1: the term "self-relationship" is not common; does this mean his relationship with himself?

P2: "Although it is desired that men coven the female, Norman possesses a sub-conscious yearning to have effeminate qualities rather than a want for the female as property." This sentence is terrible. For one, the word "covet" and not "coven" is intended. Second, "for want for the female as property" is not really what the writer is trying to say.

P2: "The primary ends for this need for femininity is the procurement of what Norman sees as emotional freedom." First, the grammar is wrong as "the primary ends…are," not "is." However, this is not good phrasing to begin with. The writer should say something like, "Norman wants emotional freedom and seeks it in a stereotypically feminine self-expression."

P1S4: Change to: "The current global leader is the United States: it has a significant influence over the global economy and is equipped with the world's most powerful army."

P3S2: Run-on.

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P3: "The lack of the aforementioned relationship likely resulted in the onset of partial deprivation in Norman, which manifests as excessive guilt and need for love." Clumsy; he isn't lacking a relationship -- it was intimacy he was lacking. Also there is a misplaced clause as it is not Norman who "manifests as excessive guilt…" but "deprivation."

P3 (blue): "Much of his free time seems to be centered around taking on being his mother rather than his taxidermy hobby." The underlined phrase makes no sense.

P4: "Reyner recounts the observations of Scheler and Freud who described the "contagion of emotion" as the influence of ones emotions by the displayed emotions of another." This is a clumsy sentence. Confusion between influence on, and influenced by.

P4: "he was not able to alleviate his emotional health outside of the oppressive atmosphere at home." Usage of the word "alleviate" is incorrect......

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