Self Compassion and Fear of Selfishness Essay

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Self-compassion is an important concept to understand because it falls under the category of self-care. Selfishness on the other hand does not. Selfishness is commonly associated with actions that may satisfy a certain desire but that do not actually promote a holistic good. Self-compassion on the other hand is oriented towards helping the self. Bowen (2017) states that one should look at it this way: self-compassion is about showing love to yourself in the same way you would show it to your neighbor. So often people get caught up in the need to please others, satisfy others, and serve others that they never take the time to take care of their own needs. It is important, in such cases, to step back and take a little self-compassion on oneself.

Self-compassion is synonymous with self-care. It is like maintenance of the self. If one buys a car, one has to service it and maintain it—otherwise it won’t work when you go out to start it. The oil needs changing routinely; the gas tank needs filling; the lights need changing—and so on. The same goes with the self. In order for you as a person to be any good to anyone, you have to take care of yourself—show compassion to yourself. Be mindful of yourself and your needs—don’t try to stuff them under the mattress or box them away. Everyone’s needs are important: they are what call out to be fulfilled because they are what keep us all going. To ignore them is to invite a collapse of the inner self, which is comparable to a car’s engine blowing up because one neglected to put oil in.

Selfishness is a little different. To extend the analogy, if someone properly maintains a car, he is considered wise because he takes care of that which is his. If on the other hand one spends all one’s time thinking about the car, spending all one’s money on the car, decking it out in gold and silver with all the finest parts, when one doesn’t even have enough money to pay the bills, he is considered unwise because it is like he is spoiling the car and not showing any moderation in his care of it. The same goes for the self. One can spoil the self, give it everything little thing that it wants to the point where if any urge is denied, the self goes crazy.

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This is what happens when one is inherently selfish—every little urge is viewed as all-important. The self-compassionate person on the other hand understands the good in moderation—because compassion focuses on the good, not on satisfying every single urge or desire that arises. If one spends all one’s energy and focus on satisfying every desire that arises in the self, the self will have no time or energy for others. And it is important not to forget that we also have to show love to others—not just to ourselves. So selfishness really has no place in self-compassion, which is mainly just another term for proper self-care.

Self-compassion is also about coming to terms with oneself, one’s strengths and one’s weaknesses. When we show compassion to others, we do not judge them. We accept them as they are and do not mind their faults. Self-compassion works the same way (Bowen, 2017). We forgive ourselves, which is an important stepping in learning to grow and develop. Self-compassionating does not mean that one becomes smugly self-satisfied, believing that one’s faults are nothing and that since one can accept one’s faults everyone else should too. No, demonstrating self-compassion is about accepting one’s faults so that one can then begin to address them. If one refuses to acknowledge who one is, then that person is living in a state of denial and true knowledge….....

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