Speaking Plainly with Family Essay

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Mbongi Assignment: During ThanksgivingIn most households, Thanksgiving is a time where families can exist in a place without metaphorical walls between people and ideas, and share conversation in a common context. But just as the Mbongi conversation is aimed at creating a more socially stable life, Thanksgiving family meetings must also be conducted with sensitivity. I do not always see eye-to-eye with my husband’s family about how to cook the family turkey or sides, for example, but I have learned not to present my ideas in a confrontational manner. I try to be the bigger person, and turn conflicts about what are ultimately unimportant matters like food into a discussion, rather than an argument. I have learned to pick my battles without demeaning myself (or my efforts at cooking).I try to make sure that there is room for everything everyone wishes to bring to the table, including different foods, significant others, and topics. There is a delicate matter of balancing being tolerant of other people’s points of view, however, and not sticking up for what is right.

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I want to be tolerant, but not a doormat. I think over the years I have come to embrace, more and more, the value of communicating in a respectful fashion, rather than bottling up my feelings and thoughts. But when I speak, I try to be very conscious of separating those feelings from those thoughts.The fact that my husband’s and my family come together means a merging of different traditions for the holiday, but also different ways of relating to one another. In the past, they have been more inclined to bring up uncomfortable topics, and I have stayed silent. Now, I address when I am uncomfortable head-on, but try to do so in a way that focuses on the facts, and does not over-dramatize the issue. Ideally, speaking about things should reduce conflict, rather than increase conflict......

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