Thanksgiving in 2008, What Many Admission Essay

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After all, should not all people be outraged when a child is beaten to death?

However, my grandfather's death brought up issues that the family had failed to address. Some of my mom's siblings mourned my grandfather, though he had not been a regular part of their lives for a period of more than 20 years. They complained that my step-grandmother had deprived them of the opportunity to get an apology from their father. My mother disagreed with her siblings, firmly believing that her father had had almost a quarter of a decade to apologize to them and had failed to do so; he was the one who gave up his chance to apologize. When her siblings decided to file a wrongful death suit, my mother backed away from the dispute. She told her kids that she had made a choice years before between happiness and having her father in her life, and the circumstances of his death did not change the circumstances of his life.

A year after this suit, I see my aunts and uncles struggling with the emotional and financial aftermath of an unsuccessful lawsuit, and I understand why my mother backed away from the dispute. She made me realize that sometimes in life; the healthiest thing is for a person to walk away from someone.

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That does not preclude forgiveness, because forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation. Instead, what it means is that a person has to make their mental health and safety, as well as the mental health and safety of any people they brought into this world, their priorities. The second important lesson that I learned from her is that if you are thinking about burning a bridge, make sure that bridge does not lead to anywhere you might ever want to revisit. When my Mom started to consider her emotions about what happened with my grandfather, rather than how his siblings were feeling about it, she realized that she had settled her issues with him years before. His death neither added nor detracted from the relationship they had. In the end, though her father died the death she had imagined for him hundreds of time, this death brought nothing to my mother. What she realized, and the message I feel I must share with people, is that living well is not the best revenge; the secret is that, if you live well, you no longer….....

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