Post Mortem Reflection First of Essay

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Also, look into the matter of Drexel providing education about alcohol for incoming freshmen -- is there a seminar that is mandatory that gives freshmen the facts of alcohol abuse and points to helpful resources for anyone who believes they have a drinking problem?

Next, you use "drugs" over and over but you don't narrow it down. I assume you are talking about marijuana when you mention "…paraphernalia" like bongs, pipes, etc., but when you say the "first violation" and list the "consequences," what would constitute that first violation? Being caught with a joint? Or a pipe or a bong?

You don't spend enough time on the marijuana issue. What if a student is caught with a gram of cocaine? Is that the same punishment as a joint? What if a student has ecstasy pills in a little vial? Is that the same punishment as having some pot paraphernalia? If so, that is a wrong-headed policy because marijuana is not at all the same as cocaine and certainly doesn't include the danger of addiction as cocaine and heroin represent.

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You shouldn't drift from your "drug" paragraph right into generalizations about the problems of alcohol; the fact that drugs and alcohol ruin marriages and cause other problems (sleeping problems? Not needed here) doesn't need to be in your paper at all. You should mention that currently 18 states in the U.S. have legalized medical marijuana, which certainly indicates that this drug has value medically. So while marijuana is certainly not to be used on campus, the penalties for pot should be much different than other hard drugs. It won't take that much to beef up your paper with your collaborators, and show your professor that you can take editorial direction well and make this paper more specific to the issue. So please consider changing the thesis to show that while Drexel is aware of the problems (and dangers) associated with abuse of alcohol by students -- and they are justified in trying to deter these problems -- their sanctions are not in line with the degree of danger vis-a-vis the problem.

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